Please help! I recently found pornography on my son’s iPod touch. His father has talked to him a little bit about pornography before, but I am heartbroken to see it on his iPod. What do I do?
– Heartbroken in Minnesota
First of all – this is not the end. Your son is not condemned to a lifetime of pornography use. Pull yourself out of that heartbreak and prepare to have a much-needed conversation with your son.
The unfortunate fact of our day is that pornography has a wide grip on our culture. But the good news is that people are really starting to talk about it, and realizing that it is something that needs to be (and can be) overcome. Your son can absolutely overcome this and come out stronger on the other side.
One of the first steps you need to take is to figure out if this is a recurring pattern, or if it is a one-time occurrence (maybe an accident) or something that has just started. Get this information, then sit down with your husband and figure out what you are going to say to your son. One thing to keep in mind is that every person has a natural curiosity about sex – and this should not be used to make him or her feel ashamed. Shame is the enemy’s territory. So please start your conversation out in a spirit of love and a desire to understand. Let your son talk – don’t overwhelm him with words and feelings of disappointment. You really need to pray before you have this conversation.
A couple things your conversation should include: 1) We love you. God loves you too. You are not condemned. 2) Porn is something to avoid. It’s harmful and dangerous and we do not want you to use it. 2) Pornography does not give an accurate portrayal of sex. If you are curious about sex or have questions, we will answer your questions and help you understand what God’s design for sex is. 3) Pray for your son. Ask the Lord to break any ties with pornography and to remove the images from his mind. 4) We are going to put practices in place to help you avoid pornography from here on. This is not to punish you or make you feel like you are inferior. It’s to protect you. 5) We love you and God loves you.
After you have an initial conversation with your son, consider going through a resource with him. A couple we recommend are Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle (for boys 10-15) and Tactics for young men 15-30. May the Lord bless you and guide you as your prepare to help your son!