Purity is Intentional: Day 2

Practice Self Control Before You’re Married

A lot of times we mistakenly think that once we’re married, all our desires will be met and there will be no need to deny ourselves. This is far from the truth, though. Many married people have told us that in several ways there is an even greater need to practice self control once you are married. Recently I had a conversation with a well meaning lady who said she was saddened to see our generation marrying (on average) at a later age than previous generations had. She said it was impractical because God gave us a natural desire to be married and experience the intimacy of marriage. The thought struck me as sad because I want to learn self control before I’m married. I don’t want my future spouse to feel like I rushed into marriage with him because I couldn’t control myself. Self control is something you learn by denying selfish desires, thoughts, and behaviors. In many ways it is a gift you cultivate to give your spouse. It is a commitment you make that says “I value you, and I believe our mutual happiness is better than my selfish desires”.

There are many ways to practice self control. Ask the Lord to show you ways you can think of others before yourself. A lot of opportunities come up in everyday family life. Is there only one cookie left? Make sure your younger brother gets it. What about helping your mom around the house? You may not realize it, but any opportunity you take to help someone else instead of doing what you want to do at that moment is a practice in self control. There are also very specific things you can do to practice self control in marriage. Pretend your future spouse is standing right next to you. If he or she was watching your every move, are you going to flirt with that person in the check out line? How about the movie you watched last night? Are there any scenes in that movie you wouldn’t want your future spouse to know you watched? How are your thoughts doing? Are you remaining faithful to your future spouse even in your thought life? You may not realize this, but the Bible exhorts us to “do [your spouse] good and not evil all the days of [your] life” Proverbs 31:12. That means even before you are married you should do your spouse good.

If you are diligent to practice self control before you are married, it will help you to be ready for the times in marriage when you don’t get your way or your spouse needs help with something, like when he or she is sick. If you can learn now to be a good servant to the people God has placed in your life, your spouse will receive a very special gift. It will also prepare you to not flirt, not take that second glance, and to guard your heart and keep it only for your spouse.